so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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