Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
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Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
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You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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