When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
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