i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
His nipple licking is glorious
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