Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize