We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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