During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Are we still banned from the library?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Randomize