Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
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Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
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how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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