Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
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