The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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