i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
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For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
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WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
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