Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
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