if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
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I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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