Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the room spins SO much faster in panama
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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