You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I'm having to shit out rocks
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