if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Fuck me I smell like cheese
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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