I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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