We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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