I'm so fucking centered right now
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Randomize