my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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