haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize