R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize