I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
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Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
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It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
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