I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
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I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
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sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
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