Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
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