is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
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you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
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but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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