Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
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It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
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