A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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