it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
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