Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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