I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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