So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
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I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
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A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
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