Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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