She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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