I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
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