The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize