I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
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I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
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Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
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