Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
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I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
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woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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