hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
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I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
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After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize