Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
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