literally had 100 drinks last night.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
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I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
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He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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