Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
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We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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