Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
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I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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