You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
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Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
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Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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