It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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