No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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