Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize