I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
it's great music for shaving your balls
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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