So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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