is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
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